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Life: A User's Guide
Life A Users Guide episode title card
Season 1, Episode 51
Vital statistics
Air date unknown 2007
Directed by Glenn Kirkpatrick
Story by Ben Townsend
Written by Unknown
Storyboard by Andy Kelly

Akis Dimitrakopoulos

Episode guide
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Rocket Roomates To Wedgie or not to Wedgie

Frustrated that he knows how to maintain Rocket step by step but keeps forgetting things, Vinnie asks for a user manual for himself thinking that it would make his life easy. However, he finds that there are a lot of instructions to follow and then gives up.

Plot/TranscriptEdit

The episode opens with the camera zooming in on the home planet, a bird's-eye view of what could possibly be another area in the Inner City, then Vinnie's bedroom where a Vinnie covered in mud services Rocket while he's still conscious.

Vinnie, reading off the Rocket combined user/service manual: "Tighten the up-clenching valve, adjust the crimping nut 0.5º, let leave feather beam for the squared box…"

Rocket: "Ooh!" (laughs)

Vinnie: "Jump against the central fuzzy-plug… Hmmm… Ah! Here it is!" (He uses a cone-shaped tool and the camera zooms out to show Rocket with his service door open and one of his arms out while he's lying on the floor)

Rocket: "Eee! V, I don't think that's my fuzzy-plug… Aww… that's better"

Vinnie: "Oil change complete. Wiper fluid replaced, your weekly booster check is absolute-complete-done"

Rocket: "Thanks V!" (He reconnects the exposed wiring and closes his own service panel) "I feel extra-maintained-super-upkept-and-over-going-overed"

He tosses his Rocket manual onto the pile of stuff in his room, making the pile too heavy and making a hole in the floor.

Vinnie: "I'm just being a regular-respectful-responsible-reliable Rocket owner"

The hole in the floor becomes larger and Vinnie and Rocket fall down into the kitchen, then the camera shows Crystal in the kitchen with a cupcake celebrating her own birthday.

Crystal: "Happy birthday me…"

As she blows out the candle, the pile of stuff from Vinnie's room falls down onto her. Vinnie and Rocket pop out of the pile, take Crystal's cake, feeds the candle to Rocket and takes a bite of the cake himself.

Vinnie: "Thanks sis!"

Rocket: "Super tasty…"

Crystal: "Bro, aren't you forgetting something?"

Vinnie: "My accordion? My starry rainbow underwear? My mythical uni-goat?"

Crystal: "No Vinnie! I meant my birthday…"

Vinnie: (smiles) "Happy birthday sis!"

Vinnie then gives back half of her cupcake, and Rocket puts back the candle and lights it up with his engine.

Rocket: "Many wicked crazy returns…"

Crystal: "Why thanks…"

Rocket, speaking into Vinnie's ear: "Good save V…" (His internal alarm goes off for 9:00 AM and he grabs Vinnie and tosses him into his driver console) "Ooo… School time! Gotta go ok see ya bye"8

Over at school, V.P. Stern's bongo session gets interrupted when Vinnie and Rocket bust through the wall of an empty classroom, but this time with a ring enforcement caught on Rocket's nosecone.

Vinnie: "Sorry I'm late V.P. Stern"

Rocket, pulling the ring reinforcement off his nosecone: "We would have been here way sooner but somebody reinforced all the walls!"

V.P. Stern, while playing his bongo drums: "Vincent Q, (drumroll) where's your happening homework?"

Rocket digs his hand into Vinnie's school bag to pull out his homework, which is not there.

Vinnie: "Um... I forgot it"

V.P. Stern, still playing: "Uncool." (he stops playing) "Where's your Tech History project?"

Vinnie, jumping out of Rocket's driver console: "I forgot to do it"

V.P. Stern: "Infra-dig. And where are all my swingin' students?"

Vinnie: "Um–I–uh–forgot them?"

The camera shows a few students from the class on the moon running from an octopus/squid tentacle which pulls Rainbow. Back in the classroom…

V.P. Stern, off the desk and writing a report card: "Vincent, your curriculum is uncooly crumbled. Your studies are unswingingly-stunted. Your school life is a shambles. You got to hip yourself together ya dig! Hopefully 100000 detentions will help. Uh Vincent, where are all your detentions?"

Rocket: (whistling)

Vinnie: "Um… I seem to have lost them?"

Rocket then burps out the detention slips that Stern gave Vinnie a few seconds ago after shredding them in his mouth. Later outside Joe's

Vinnie: "I can't keep on top of things Rocket! I feel like I'm always forgetting something or letting someone down"

Rocket: "Chill McV, I'm sure you're overreacting"

Vinnie then jumps out of Rocket's seat to reveal himself almost naked, and both of them go on ahead into the seating area inside Joe's.

Captain O'Cheese: "Yarr me lad! You borrowed me manatee and didn't clean off the barnacles!"

Rainbow: "Vinnie, you forgot Toasty Tofu Tuesday. Judy and I had to eat 89384 cubic glums all on our own!"

Gabby: "Vinnie, I've been waiting longer than a cabbage with a bad back! You said you were only going to the thunder-flusher!"

Vinnie: "Um Gabby, that was 2 weeks ago…"

Gabby: (sigh) "I know… I think your food may have got cold"

Gabby points and the camera pans to a burger with flies buzzing around it, then the other patrons(extras) start screaming, causing Vinnie to ask Rocket for a quick exit.

Vinnie, whispering to Rocket: "Rocket, get me out of this!"

Rocket, whispering to Vinnie: "Sure thing McV!"

Rocket, distracting the screaming crowd: "Ooh look, clown cows!" (He quickly points to 4 cows also in the seating area, and dresses them as clowns)

Crowd: "Woo! Aww…"

The duo leave Joe's and come home. Outside Professor Q's lab…

Professor Q: "Ah Vincent! Did you acquire the 89.7% baby simian I asked you to collect?"

Vinnie: (facepalms) "Sure thing Dad!" (He pulls out a senior simian monkey from Rocket's storage) "Ah I guess I must have forgotten to give it to you…" (Rocket whistles) "…ha, for a few years"

Professor Q: "Vincent, your life is 92Ω shambolic! 2 megatons untaken care of, and 3x÷y messy!" (He pulls out a green cleaning cloth from inside his coat, walks up to Rocket and proceeds to clean his tail light and the area around it) "I thought getting a rocket would make you potassium permanganate more responsible and sodium chloride more mature!" (sighs) "But it seems that I was 100% quarking wrong…"

Vinnie: "It's just too much…" (he pulls out his Rocket user/service manual) "With Rocket, I know exactly what I have to do at all times… My life would be super easy if there was an instruction manual for it…"

Professor Q: "Oh but Vincent, there is!"

Vinnie and Rocket: "There is?"

Professor Q: (he hands a triple-screen laptop to Vinnie) "Eureka!"

Vinnie, reading off the screen: "Life: A User's Guide?"

Professor Q: "It contains quarking everything you need to operate a human! Follow i5 Vincent, and your life will run like, like a rocket!"

Vinnie: "My life's gonna be super fastal-easy now Rocket, 'cause I'm Vinnie Q and I got an instruction manual!"

Later in Vinnie's bedroom, he puts on clothes, Rocket plugs a serial cable from himself to the laptop, and he begins to read from his screen capture.

Rocket: "Hygiene, Career, Health, Leisure, Maintenance, Habitat, Finances, Nutrition, Production, Education,"

Vinnie: "Woah… Rocket! Slow down, you don't have to read the whole entire thing all at once"

Rocket: "I wasn't V-Man, that's just the first paragraph!"

Vinnie: "You mean I have to follow all these rully-regulations for the rest of my life? But that'll leave no time for relaxy fun!"

Rocket: "Don't worry McV! We'll do 'em at rocket speed! We'll perform every chore, duty and responsibility all at once! …" (He pulls out his printing calculator) "…leaving 30484800:57 of lifespan for leisurely-pleasurely enjoyment! What do you say, is it a plan?"

Vinnie: "Well, I'm not so sure"

The display on Rocket's printing calculator reads "20484800056" and counts down.

Vinnie: "Let's do it! Let's cram together all my mature responsibility! So I never have to be mature or responsible ever again"

Rocket then grabs Vinnie and throws him into his driver console, while saying "You got it, V-Man!" and fly off to Joe's, where a double-burger meal is sitting on the bar top. Vinnie sees it and expresses himself.

Vinnie: "Mmm… fantastic! I'm famishly hungry"

Rocket begins to explain that "It says here that human beings need 5 servings of vegetables per day, every day of their lives. So I ordered you 847000609 tons of brussels sprouts", and the camera pans to show a bulldozer(with Maya in it) bringing in brussels sprouts as a result, and a pile of aforementioned vegetable towering so high that it created a hole in the ceiling in the main seating area.

Vinnie: "Rocket, I can't eat all that mega-rappage on my own!"

Rocket: "Oh I know that V-Man, that's why I'm gonna help you! Open wide V-Monster!"

Thanks to the magic that is video editing to conform to the show's 52×11 format, we end up with a Maya sweeping away the leftovers, and the camera pans to the rest of the seating area being empty, and both Vinnie and Rocket in the male restroom.

Vinnie, holding a comic book: "Ah, that's better"

Rocket: "Sorry V, your user's manual says that in the course of a lifetime, the average human spends 12775 hours in the thunder-flusher"

Vinnie, still holding a comic book: "12775? Ah, OK Rocket, but I'm gonna need way more comic books"

Rocket: "Don't worry V, I got you covered"

Rocket then points to a pile of comic books in the restroom, which starts to go down and disappears. Vinnie comes out to wash his hands.

Rocket: "Well done V, now you never ever never have to go to the thunder-flusher ever again in your whole life! Ever! Ever…"

After hearing Rocket, Vinnie runs back into the cubicle and is seen with the same comic book from earlier in the scene, saying "Perhaps I should go just one more time to make sure" and continues reading his comics.

At the optical shop, Vinnie looks through a bunch of test lenses. The optician pulls it away from his face(after the refraction test) and he begins to complain.

Vinnie: "Why am I at the opticians Rocket? There's nothing wrong with my eyes"

Rocket: "Not yet, but the guide says the eyesight weakens over the years. Best to get it all fixed at once!"

The optician puts glasses on Vinnie, who tries to look through but the lens degree is too high.

Vinnie: "I can't see a thing! Rocket, jet us out of here!"

As Vinnie's vision was impaired after the addition of the glasses, Vinnie mistakes a filing cabinet for Rocket.

Rocket: "Sure thing V, just as soon as you finish flying that filing cabinet around mars"

Later, back in the Year 8 Classroom…

Rocket: "The average human takes 4837 tests, quizzes, questionnaires and exams in a lifetime." (He puts a pile of test papers on the desk and a bunch of pencils in Vinnie's left hand) "You have 14511 hours to answer all the questions"

Vinnie: "But Rocket,"

Rocket: (Shhh) "No talking. You may turn over your tests … wait for it … now!"

Many nights pass. A sleeping Rocket wakes up when his countdown timers all reach 0:00 .

Rocket: "Waow! Ooh! Time's up! Stop writing and put down your pencils!"

Vinnie: "Ah finally that's over." (he grabs his right arm, possibly showing how sore it is) "I thought my hand was about to drop off"

Captain O'Cheese, commenting in the same room while holding up his hook: "I knowz what ye means"

Rocket marks all papers in his mouth and talks about the results. "Bad news V, you failed French Maths, Biotechhistory, Geographysics, Chemical Sports and Ninja Studies, and your driving test. But you did pass Art, with this lovely rendition of the Mona Lisa!"

Vinnie: "Um, it's actually meant to be a 10-legged goat riding a laser-powered surfboard"

Rocket: "Ooh well uh you failed Art too"

Vinnie: "At least I've already got a lifetime of disappointment and failure out of my way"

V.P. Stern: "Hold it Vincent, you've got a lifetime's worth of swingin' detentions to do first"

Vinnie facepalms, and later in his treehouse, he complains that "Following my instruction manual for life is super-exhausting, maybe degrading and ultra-frustrating". However, he does not know that Rocket called the Duckys over to invade his treehouse and wedgie him.

Rocket: "But think how relaxy calm things would be when you've got every single mature responsibility totally taken care of! You can just sit around in your underpants for the rest of your life eating microwaved Squid Meals and playing video games!"

Vinnie: "That'll be so good…" (The Duckys break into his treehouse) "W'argh! The Duckys! What are you doing in my Super Secret HQ?"

Rocket: "Ooh, that's an easy one, I invited them"

Vinnie: "You did? Why?"

Frankie: "Rocket asked us to help you out, by giving you A LIFETIME OF WEDGIES AT ONCE!"

Rocket: "Trust me V, your life will feel much more manageable once you got all the embarrassing humiliation cleared up"

Biffo: "Ooozie-wedge-marathon"

(various voices)

Outside Goats-U-Like, Vinnie and Rocket look through the store window to see a diamond-encrusted goat on display.

Rocket: "This will guarantee you never ever never miss a birthday in gift-buying history!"

Vinnie: "I don't know Rocket, it looks kind of expensive. How will I ever be able to afford it?"

Rocket: "Don't worry V, I've got everything covered…"

Rocket then pulls Vinnie into his driver console and flies off to Farmer Organicwheat's farm, where he gets to clean all his cows and get paid. He cleans off the barnacles on Captain O'Cheese's manatees, and the Silent Ninjas and gets paid for those jobs as well. Back outside Goats-U-Like…

Vinnie: "A lifetime's wages. I'm rich Rocket! I'm rich"

Rocket: "Ooh sorry V-Man, I forgot to mention you have to pay your lifetime's taxes"

Police officers then walk up to Vinnie, take his taxes…

Vinnie: "But… but… my money…"

…and gives him his diamond-encrusted goat. Back at home in the living room…

Crystal: "A diamond-encrusted goat. Thanks bro, it's just what I've always wanted…"

Vinnie: "Good. Because it's gonna last you a lifetime"

Vinnie and Rocket: "Woo-hoo!"

Vinnie: "Rocket, we did it! We performed all my chores, fulfilled all my duties, responsibled all my responsibilities" (Vinnie slides onto the floor) "We rocked all through a lifetime of maturity. Now I can dedicate the rest of my days to guilt-free-relaxo-lesuirely-fun"

Rocket: "Ooh uh not exactly McV, we only finished the first chapter. There's 3870 more chapters to go. So let's get jetting!"

Vinnie: "Who-in-the-what-for-the-why-for-the-3870-more-chapters? No Rocket, I can't do it! I give up"

Vinnie takes the laptop from Rocket's claws…

Vinnie: "I thought having an instruction manual for life would make everything simpler, easier, less overwhelming, but it's just made everything impossible! I can't do it Rocket, I can't live my life by the book"

…and tosses it, at which point Professor Q comes out of a mechanical iris on the floor and begins to explain.

Professor Q: "Of course you can't Vincent, 0.00% of people can!"

Vinnie and Rocket: "They can't?"

Professor Q: "Negative. Everybody performs mistakes every now and then. Life is too quarkingly complicated not to. All you can do is keep trying your best son, and you'll get better and better at life. Remember to have lots of relaxo-lesuirely-fun along the way." (Rocket smiles at Vinnie and Prof Q) "After all, that IS why I gave you a rocket"

Vinnie: "Come on Rocket, let's jet!"

Rocket pulls Vinnie into his driver console, and tries to fire up his engines(while saying "BLASTOFF!" but they fail.

Rocket: "Um V-Man…"

Vinnie: "Dad?"

Professor Q hands Vinnie the Rocket combined user/service manual, this time with graphics on the front and back covers (The front cover reads "Rocket's Manual"). Vinnie goes back to the same repair procedures he did at the start of the episode, then the camera zooms out on the home planet and the episode ends.

ExtrasEdit

The "Extras" section is for extra fan-generated facts based on the episode.

It is recommended to change the "Extras" title above, unless there are multiple sections. Examples for the "Extras" section header include "What you need to recreate Ma Ducky's outfit" for Episode:Truces and Consequences and "Vinnie's packing list" for Episode:Swollen Cranium

FactsEdit

  • When Rocket gave Vinnie his lifetime of 4837 tests, he allocated 14511 hours. (14511÷4837=3) which makes it 3 hours per paper.
  • Most of the time throughout the episode, when Vinnie flies Rocket, he can be seen wearing his regular outfit rather than his green/orange flight suit if you look carefully.

ReferencesEdit

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